Monday, June 21, 2010

An obsession with inches: waist vs penis

In a material world such as ours, few measurements have more selling power than the inch. Miles per hour might sell cars through speed and gas efficiency, pounds might sell a variety of nutrition programs and is quite close on the scale to inches, but nothing can compete with the almighty inch. You see, only the inch can be responsible for billions of dollars in sales for fitness, weight loss, penis enlargement, bust reduction or augmentation, height, sexual paraphernalia, food and lord knows what else.

No other measurement is as malleable in its applications to sell. In fitness you can lose fifteen inches from your waist or increase two inches in your biceps. In weight loss, Body Mass Index (BMI) depends on the measurement of your body vs your height and build. In penis enlargement, well it’s self explanatory because rarely if ever will you see anyone want to trim anything from their pole vault. Breasts are another matter altogether because the search for the perfect bust can last several years thanks to the sheer materialistic excellence of plastic surgeons saying less is more and more is just wonderful. For height, heels are sold to varying degrees thanks in part to the size of their heel and size dictates needs, tastes, trends, and personality. Men don’t stray too far behind because often times they need that extra oomph to not look like an overachieving Oompa. In the phallic paraphernalia department it’s similar in concept to some of those mentioned above but the applications obviously differ somewhat since you can literally tailor make your own “best friend” no matter what weird ass pubic pet peeve you may have. As for food? Well Subs and Pizza depend on the almighty inch because remember, a foot long is always shown with a ruler showing twelve inches.

But the obsession over the almighty inch when it comes down to genre is just awe inspiring. If you’re not too keen to accept this hypothesis, then by all means tell me what you think about when I mention 36-24-36. If you’re thinking Power Ball numbers you have a problem. Most likely you’ll think of those fictitious Barbie measurements we’re sold as the ideal and what all women should strive for. If I happen to say 6 to 10 inches, what do you think about? Odds are that something meaty comes to mind, and I’m not talking value menu items.

The funny part is that in the obsession competition, I really don’t know who wins. I’m inclined to say men simply because male enhancement products sell so much, and because I’m pretty sure most men any of us know have measured themselves at least once in their lives, and yes that does include myself because I was a teen and my hormones did rage. But women in their pursuit for beauty do anything to trim their waist line, even if they look worse after losing the weight.

What’s best is that the base reason for the obsession is the same. Call it vanity, self pride, self worth, confidence or what have you; the quest for the perfect inch is something that crosses demographics, religions, boundaries, age, gender, etc. I’m not saying everyone in the whole world is obsessed with inches, but I will go out on a limb and say that most first world countries that don’t have the real problems severely impoverished societies do face have an obsession with what they’re packing around their midsection.

Pretty sad we don’t put the same focus and energy about two and a half feet northward huh? Excuse me, I meant 30 inches north of the mid section.

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